I've been sitting back and reading the forum for the past few days and I just don't get it.
Are you people mad? Do you think this is a movie where you are the hero that saves Bali from economic ruin by going over there and buying cheap clothes, knick knacks, food and beer, despite the risk of a horrible death? Do you think that life will continue on as normal, that another attack won't happen. Do you think you are smarter than the terrorist and bomb won't get you or your family?Since the bombing has occurred I have had so much trouble sleeping, I jump at noises, I am restless, my mind won't turn off and I have felt so much sadness at the way the world is now. My head aches, I am teary all the time, my stomach churns continuously and my heart is twisting and bleeding.
I think about a lady who has lost her 16 year old son, a boy she would have had high hopes for and pride and love and a boy she will never see again. Does she think about his last minutes of his life as I do? Does she think her daughter will ever be able to live a normal life now that she has been so horribly injured by a terrorist bomb. Physical injury is one thing but what about her mental scarring. A daughter that can't even be told that her brother is dead because of the trauma she is going through.
I think about the people who worked in R.AJA. The people that served me my food are more than likely dead now. Young men, only doing their job, who also had family, are gone forever. And why did the terrorist decide to bomb that place - it was only small, just a normal little restaurant, not even a night club or the Bounty or a place crowded for maximum effect. There wasn't even enough busy areas around it to cause a richocet of damage. Is it because we were wary of other places - I hated going into Centro but I also admit that RAJA made me feel trapped. If something did happen how would I make my escape?
I think about the people when the bomb went off. Even if you saw a man walk in with a backpack there was no time to get out - it happened to quick. I think about the explosion, the deafening noise, the panic of trying to find your loved ones, of trying to get to safety thinking another bomb could go off any second and am I running in the right direction.
If the terrorist had of chosen a different restaurant and at a different time my mother would have lost her two only daughters, my sons would have lost their parents, my grand daughters would never have known their Nan and Pop. What if I survived but my husband didn't? Would my life still be worth the same? What if I survived but my sister didn't - would the rest of my life be full of guilt because I did survive but she didn't?
I think about the friends I have made in Bali. My favourite driver with four children - one only four months old. My favourite restaurant, Ratu, original staff from the Orchid Gardens who cried when we left and gave us a gift, what becomes of their lives now. Gentle, shy Wayan and Johnny who greeted ever customer like a long, lost friend - my heart sobs for them.
I love Bali, I love the people, the culture, the relaxation but if the truth be known I love my family more and I would never risk taking the chance of causing them untold sorrow if something happened to me.
My decision is not to return to Bali but I can help them in other ways. I intend to show my support by sponsoring a family, writing to them and showing that I still love their island. I don't have a lot to give but what I have will come straight from my heart and maybe my small contributions will help one family survive the horrors of terrorism.
Everyone is different so I say to you people who are still going to Bali that I wish you a safe holiday and pray that you come back alive and uninjured. Maybe deep, deep down I wish I had your courage. Please don't tell me I can be hit by a bus blah, blah, blah because I already know that, but I won't be stepping out from the kerb when I see a bus coming so the chances of that are pretty slim.