The final countdown... ( I've always loved that song)....
It's Saturday morning, and our final day, our flight home on JQ82 is at 10.50pm, so we have almost a full day before we return to BrizVegas. I'm up early, it's a beautiful day, but sad that we have to leave, but happy to know we will be back again in 17 weeks time... see..I've started counting already! So, we make sure all our packing is ready, but, I am in hope that we get a late check out. I enjoy one last shave in front of the huge mirrors, the blade glides across my supple , tanned, nubile skin. The last tube of no more gaps is empty, I'll just have to look old...gracefully
Off to breakfast for the last time. The French are there in droves, they see my elegant approach to the toaster, and they must recognise the smell of my YSL M7 aftershave, (good taste eh girls?), and they kindly step to one side. Someone has turned the toaster down to 2... have the Germans come back to try and wreck my last breakfast ? Damned scoundrels. However, with a flick of the wrist, it's back on 4...to 41/2...where it should be for well done toast. None of this anaemic looking bread for me thanks. Whilst the toaster is on its rotation, I have a sticky beak at all the other condiments that adorn the far side of the bacon and sausage... gherkins, salami, pickles, noodles, cabbage, rice, peanuts, salads, and some other weird looking stuff that must be specific to the French. Amazing indeed as to the variety of the breakfast you can have at this place. Me, I'm an egg and bacon man through and through, none of that wimpy wussy salad stuff for me. The toast drops down with its crusty thud, and bits break off and hit my midriff. I show no pain, I remain a tough cookie in front of the French, it will be men like me, complete with physique and aura that defied the Hun almost 70 years ago. They recognise this, and are almost in awe of my presence.... Unless it was BO or I hadn't cleaned my teeth...I can't remember. I see Ibu Omelette, there is a look of forlornness in her eyes as she knows this is the least time she can flip two eggs for me for a while. Just as the previous six times, my eggs take pride of place on my plate, my toast bows to their presence. I tell Ibu I will be back in a few minutes for photos and autographs, and the lovely staff bid me 'Selamat Pagi' as I waltz around the bay marie's. It's a sign I have to come back, chicken sausages are bountiful, and there is a brand new bottle of HP sauce in front of me. Joy of joys. The bacon is crispy, and the butter isn't too hard. I pile up my plate, knowing this is my last chicken sausage for this year. I take my seat... Mrs W is sitting there dissecting her fruit platter, she gives me one of 'those looks' when she sees what I have bought back to the table. She tells me the last time she had seen so much meat was when she peeked under the doona, ( excited again girls?), and that I was a heart attack waiting to happen. However, I know that the medicinal effects of Bintang can perform cholesterol cleansing ( I think) , so I'm not worried
After finishing our breakfasts, and drinking copious amounts of ENGLISH breakfast tea...(it never did get any reaction)...I head for Ibu Omelette for a quick couple of photos. Mrs W and I flank Ibu , and she beams a radiant smile for the camera. Next, I take my elegance, wit and charm to the front desk, and I comment as to how beautiful the Ladies all look this morning, and what a pleasure it is for me to be helped by them. They enquire as to how they can be of assistance, and I ask if we could please have a late checkout. I remind them again as to how stunningly attractive they are. It works!! And two phone calls to house keeping allow us the use of our room until 2pm... I was hoping for a bit later, but this helps endlessly. They also tell us , that when we leave at 2pm, we can still come back later , and they will find us a spare room and shower so as we can head for airport refreshed. As I said, wonderful staff at the Novotel , they do seem to go that extra yard in order to impress.
We return to our room, knowing we can stay here for another 4 hours, so we decide to head across the road and have one last dip in the pool and to check for pool towels. The kind security man stops the traffic for us to cross, and we make our way to the pool. Well, Wharfie can only see four towels without people, and is a sign that the Germans have gone home. That is still four too many, so I sweep majestically along the waters edge , collect the towels and put them in the dirty basket in the pool towel shack. Swan like... I enter the pool, and sit and reminisce over the last few wonderful days. Mrs W is reading her copy of Eat, Pray, Love and asks if there is any chance I can hold my stomach in, as it is embarrassing for her to be with me. Ho hum.
The last thing you really want to do, is to board a sardinesque Jetstar flight with serious sunburn, so I decide an hour under the umbrella and to try and rectify a really messed up Sudoku was the go. Soon, time had elapsed, and we went back to our room for the final time for one final check. All good, I head to the desk to check out. My bill was already prepared, and with one quick swipe of my Amex, it was all done. Mrs W asked for the porter to collect our bags, and they showed us where they would be when we returned in the evening. What to do now for a few hours.... I should have know shouldn't I?.a Bluebird is commandeered and just for a change we head to Bali Collection. We head to Sogo, and buy some XS underwear...no..I haven't shrunk 15 sizes, these are for Mrs W. She likes this shop, and it's a wonder we are not on first name terms with all the assistants... they must think we had moved in during this week. We then go to the textile shop ...Remi Remi?... and we buy two half sized red Balinese flags with the little brass bells on the end. The sticks are taken apart and wrapped in newspaper ready for me to check in...( what a palaver this would turn out to be !) we then decide a coffee would be nice , and head for the nice air conditioned Starbucks and rest up for an hour or so.
Mrs W then informs me that she needs one last massage, and, as it got us out of Bali Collection, I couldn't agree quickly enough and we head out of the centre and wave down a Bluebird... he takes us back to our favourite spot that is Laguna... she goes for massage, I go for drinks. She emerges 30 mins later and we have dinner again here... our last one. One Nasi Goreng, and one Mie Goreng later and its time to go back to the Novotel for a nice shower and change of clothes
The front desk have prepared us one of the recently refurbed deluxe rooms on the other side of the road, but, that's all fine , as I am really thankful for one last rest and cool down before we head to the airport. We are quite surprised by how nice these rooms are. We stayed in one a few years ago, and hated it, but the renovations are remarkable. With 11 of us coming back in March, we may recommend these rooms for half the family, as they would be easily affordable and to a good standard. It would also put them on the other side of the road to us, which just has to be a good thing.
Soon, we are ready, and we cross back across the other side of the road to collect our suitcases.We bid farewell to the reception staff, and we immediately lock in a Bluebird , so off we got to the airport. We arrive in good time, check in without any problems, our baggage is underweight (just) and we head upstairs to pay our 150,000 departure tax and enter the duty free shopping. It's quite a decent airport for duty free shopping, and Mrs W picked up one last bargain priced Polo shirt for work, we sit and have a coffee and a chat, and we both say that it won't be long before we are back again. Once Christmas comes and goes , we only have January , and the shorter February to negotiate, in fact, three more pay days !! Our flight takes off a tad early, and we are now en route to Darwin
From memory we arrive in Darwin around 2am local time, we pick up our suitcases and our pre-ordered grog and perfume , and then clear customs. I have declared all the wooden bits and pieces that are in my hand luggage, and we are waved through with barely a check. The officers said they see hundreds of the same thing and know they are ok. We then have to exit so as we can re-check in for the connecting flight to Brisbane. Typically, I am half asleep, and I have forgotten to collect the 'sticks' to our flags.. so the only way back into the customs area is to wait for the Exit door to open, so I can jump back in . Bad move !! Within two seconds of going in through the out door, I have the Feds screaming at me to turn around and exit... 'where are you going' he yells.... 'I've forgotten my sticks'...'sorry' .. he follows me out the door and tells me that what I did was a big security breach and was clearly marked NO ENTRY... I agreed , and said that Mrs W had told me to do it... he laughed, and asked what it was I was missing... apart from a few brain cells... I described the newspaper wrapped sticks that would have gone in oversize luggage, and within a minute he duly re-appears with the object. I apologised for my earlier misdemeanour and I said he should be proud of me because I had fought off Germans, Russians and French all week. He said he was glad for the exercise and that it had 'given him something to do'.
A pretty embarrassed Wharfie then heads to domestic check in, and our bags disappear from view once more. The sticks can't go through normal check in, so I have to wander off and find over size baggage check in. A very nice helpful man relieves me of my sticks and puts a tag on them for me
What to do now until 6am? This is the worst part of the way home...Darwin airport at 3 am in the morning is hardly the hub of mind blowing activity, so Mrs W tries to get some sleep on one of those round leather sofa thingies. I retrieve my laptop and log on to the airport free Wi-Fi and check my Facebook page. First I see if I have any friend requests... I haven't... I still only have 5 friends, and I don't know 2 of them ( I clicked them by accident). Wharfie...the world's smallest Facebook page..I have no friends.!! Perhaps I should have left a calling card with all the Germans and French, I'm sure they would like to get back in touch with me ! I then content myself with playing online poker for an hour and a half... only having a break for a rancid cheese and tomato toastie and horrible coffee. Where are chicken sausages when you need one??
We board slightly ahead of schedule and one last take off heads us to Brisbane. We land around 10.15am, and I am in bad need of sleep, Mr Grumpy is starting to emerge. We exit the plane, and I spend at least 20minutes waiting for our suitcases, and those damn sticks. Eventually, the suitcases appear, and heroically, I slalom through all the other waiting people with a case in both hands, sticks under my arm. We exit the airport and make it to the taxi rank. The supervisor beckons us forward and points to a yellow cab.. we live around 10 minutes only from the airport, and the cab charge of $25 was proof enough that indeed we were back home.
We enter our apartment, and Mrs W tell me the worst thing to do would be to go to sleep, so we unpack our cases and begin the mountain of washing we have bought back. We put all our presents in an orderly manner ready to give to our friends....Mrs W has more than me (not difficult, yes, I know). I am so tired, but in one last super human effort, I stay awake until 8pm, and enjoy a really good night's sleep
Tomorrow is Monday, and we are back at work. I told Mrs W I expect 2 poached eggs and chicken sausage with my toast when I get up, and that she better pop to Coles and get some HP sauce.
I won't tell you what she said....
That's all for now folks !! Happy, safe travels and thanks to you all for reading and your very kind comments
Love from Wharfie
xxx