If my body was brail it would tell a tale of horror and deceit. I am covered in welts literally from my bottom to breakfast.
Shayne and I went paint balling this morning. It was great fun. Honestly I don't know why I did it but much like mowing the lawn it's a bit of forced exercise with a bit of pain thrown in for good measure.
I realized very early in the piece that the reason Australians make such good soldiers is because they're sh*t scared of getting shot.
We were the only two there which could have been interesting given Shayne and Cass have only been together about 12 months and this is the first time we've traveled with Shayne. We got transfers, lunch, 100 free paintballs and two fit/skinny Balinese teenagers thrown in with the deal. They were to shoot at........
After stuffing myself full of the Bali Bakery we bought last night we hopped in the Paintball bus and headed out to Jimbaran. The paintball centre is in the middle of the limestone quarries and just the other side of the University.
The centre is actually quite nice and the blokes who work there are entertaining. We paid for the young blokes' paintballs so they could shoot us. Is that like some sort of oxymoron or are we simply morons?
Shayne and I split up and teamed up with one of the young blokes each. The first game was certainly "not" a taste of things to come because I managed to get through pretty much unscathed.
The second game was a walk over and I say that with pride. It was because of my quick grasp of the Indonesian language (took me three months to learn how to ask where the toilet was) that we won. I led from the front, if cowering behind a tractor tyre is leading from the front. I covered the young bloke as he took the flag and won the game.
Honestly these young blokes moved like panthers while Shayne and I moved a little more like a pair of late thirty something, slightly over weight, unfit men, well past their prime.
It sucked when they could hide behind a piece of bamboo when if I hid behind a 44 gallon drum my bum poked out one side or my head the other. Yes I got shot in the bum a bit......GREAT..... considering I've only just got over the horse riding.
At the end of the game Shayne and I had a few paintballs left so we had a Mexican standoff. I was spewin we didn't get nachos with it. We stood 20 metres apart, back to each other, gun on the ground. On the count of three picked up the guns and just went for it. We weren't allowed to move.
I had a plan. I think I must be the only person who has ever had a plan in a Mexican standoff. The smaller the body mass the smaller the target so I squatted and waited until he had run out of ammo.....I reckon that was a mistake......My left leg looks like the Himalayas. But my tanned and buff body is smooth as a baby's bum, if you don't count the grey chest hair and pot belly.
We had a good chat to the guys that worked there and I was pleased to see that even just the two of us could have a hand in keeping so many people employed for a day. They were genuinely nice blokes and we had a bit of a chuckle after and compared lumps and bumps.
They have secure lockers there and showers for after the event. It's amazing how the sound of the shower can drown out your tears.......
We had a hotdog with chips and they kept us hydrated all day with water. All up with the forty thousand paint balls Shayne used, transfers, lunch and equipment it was 1.700.000rph. I know it's expensive but it was my belated birthday present, heaps of fun and like I said it kept a few guys employed for the day so it was worth it.
If Australia goes to war I hope they lift the age of the draft to over 35.
We came back to the hotel and I crashed. The next thing I know is when two screaming lunatics (my children) jumped all over my bruises. They had been out shopping while we were killing each other.
They came back with some really nice stuff. A beautiful multi-coloured dress for the 4 year old (not gaudy) 60000rph from Legian Kidz. Great quality and pretty. The 8 year old got similar but it's one of those tops they can wear as a dress if you adjust the straps or a top with jeans if you pull it up. That was also from Legian Kidz for 75000rph.
The wife got two pairs of light chocolate coloured cotton jeans from Body and Soul (which seems pretty popular) for 99000rph each. They're nice and will be good back in Perth in the warmer months. She got some Roxy rip offs for 25000rph. They are the collared variety and great quality. That was from down near the Melasti Markets.
Does anyone else's wife spread the shopping on the bed every day and take pictures of it?
We had a swim and I reckon the longer we're here, the warmer the pool gets. It may be because of the number of children swimming in it or because we're getting use to it.
Well wasn't dinner an adventure. We ate at La Casa on Rum Jungle Road. It was great. Free drink at the start. The seafood platter was 89000rph and piled high with seafood. I had the chicken with garlic and mozzarella 45000rph. Great food and Yogi does some great tricks for the kids with a serviette and an empty packet of cigarettes. Free fruit platter at the end......then came the melt down. Remember devil's spawn....yeah well I was the guy walking through Legian with the kid screaming for her 'Mummy'. It really wouldn't be that easy to kidnap a kid. But I was pretty close to leaving her for the white slave trade.
Had to have a giggle. While I was struggling with a child possessed by the devil they were still trying to sell me shirts or wanting to plat her hair I should have let them try just for a laugh. Needless to say, I'm a bit knackered after the paint balling, WWF with the four year old and the 3 kilometre walk back with her screaming in my ear.
Other than Chernobyl, great day......