In Reply to: Two-legged ATM Syndrome. posted by sirsinnik on Saturday, 14. January 2006 at 19:27 Bali Time:
Before I say anything else, I abhor paedophilia and I think that men [of any age] who make groundless assumptions that young adults, say 17/18 or so, are selling sex deserve some kind of very sharp reminder to watch their behaviour.
Adults, even "young adults" in our culture are generally free to make up their own minds about most things and this is how it should be. It's unfortunate but true that young people in some countries may see using their bodies as perhaps a necessary financial means to an end. As we all know, this happens in Australia as well. We may pity, we may judge, but we are not in a position to condemn.
Perhaps it's inevitable that the younger woman with older man combination is more likely to be criticised than the older woman with Kuta Cowboy. Maybe this is because of the double standard. Young women are seen to be in need of protection from lecherous, manipulative older men. On the other hand, manipulative young Balinese men are seen to be in control, as they cynically take advantage of gullible older women, who after all are only understandably trying to recapture a bit of their lost youth before it's too late.
I'm not saying that this is my opinion, I'm just offering it as possibly the way many people may unconsciously see it.
I have always been very health, fitness and appearance conscious and for me it has paid off. I neither feel, act nor dress anywhere near my age and why should I, just to suit the possible expectations of people I don't even know?
I went to Bali in 2003 at the age of 69, after losing my wife 15 months earlier. This was my first time there without my wife. For the first time ever I was approached by young prostitutes. I wasn't interested, in fact the first time it happened I didn't even realise what she was selling! But if I had felt differently, I could have been seen as an older foreign man taking advantage of a pretty young Indonesian woman.
My son's wife is Balinese and they live there. When they came to pick me up from my hotel, Dayu [then about 30 and looking much younger] and I gave one another big hugs in the street. Some of the hotel staff and the shop people across the street thought I had got myself a young girlfriend. Perception is not always everything, is it?
I have been going out with a Japanese lady for over 2 years. Emiko is not typically Japanese looking and is unusually dark skinned for someone from Northern Japan. We have been to Bali together twice and even Balinese people often assume that she is Indonesian. She is 55, has a model figure and looks much younger than her age. We are both Ballroom/Latin dancers and met at a dance. We share interests and attitudes and it's definitely a love match. For me, and I would say for Emiko too, a relationship without love and respect would not be worth having. And money has no bearing on our relationship, from either point of view.
But maybe some people would see us together [in Australia or in Bali] and, assuming that Emiko is much younger, would think things which are neither correct nor relevant.
To get back to the original discussion, with my attitude to the importance of mutual love and respect in a relationship, I feel a great sadness that some people see the need to compromise on this for the sake of financial security. But who am I to judge? We've had some [to us] lean times, but we've always had a roof over our heads and food on the table.