I swear I can hear Munchie rolling around in his sleep muttering 'pork.. pork... pooooorkk' as the Festival of the Pork enters its second day.
This is clearly a ploy to distract him from the fact that this is our second last day in Bali, and that soon it will come to an end and he must return to the domestic life of a kept house husband in his gilded Malaysian mansion - ohhhh poor dear, life must be simply awful for you - better lap up your last two days of freedom!
'Extra Bacon please' - he chirps at the waitress at Retro while slurping down a mixed juice. Oh boy - it's going to be a looooong day.
Snubs has been working himself up for a 'fiss' spa. Everytime we go to Hardy's he races through the checkout and squeaks with glee at the tub full of fish just a few meters away, and over the weeks he's rustled up the courage to at least dip his fingers in and let them have a nibble, with much giggling and squealing to the general amusement of the ladies that run it.
I'm sure that they're sick to the gills of snotty little kids doing this - but at least they don't show it. After many patient explanations that you're supposed to put your feet in, not your hands, Snubs finally confesses that he might like to have a go. I'm not so sure he can hack it. I know this because after literally months of him pestering me to have a go on the Elmo-in-a-plane kiddy ride at our local mall I finally caved in and spent the one ringgit only to have him scream the walls down in fear, so what Snubs says he wants, and what Snubs can handle, are two different things.
I figure at least if he doesn't like it I can take his place :) I take his thongs off and position him on the cushioned seat at the side of the tank and gentle nudge his little footsies towards the water. Snubs makes an involuntary low growling noise which I can't identify as either fear or excitement so I keep going until he's submerged to his ankles. As the fish make a rush for him he chickens out and pulls his feet back up, but a few minutes of gentle coaxing and we get there in the end. Unfortunately for Snubs his three year old feet haven't really seen all that much action, and the fish lose interest after about 5 minutes or so, and to be fair, so does Snubs.
We pick up our gorgeously clean washing - all nicely packaged to go straight into the suitcase, and we have some lunch at the little warung on the corner of Swastika Bunglaows, where Munch orders the Pork Satay of course, but laments the lack of complexity in the sate marinade (??? - I don't think this place is Michelin starred honey - just eat it.)
We spend the afternoon dragging various pieces of luggage over the foyer of Griya Santrian where they have some electronic scales that they kindly let us use, so that I can estimate how much additional luggage we're going to have to buy before I check us in on-line. Thankfully it's nowhere near as scary as I thought it would be, although I do need to SMS the owner of the villas and ask very nicely if we could possibly arrange for two cars to the airport tomorrow because we have way more stuff than will fit in just one. I made the request fully expecting to pay for the second car, but to my delight there was no additional charge.
The boys nap, Munch and I swim in the villa pool, play cards, have a few V&Ts and just enjoy our last day of doing not much really. By the time the boys wake up, play a little, get showered and dressed and watch some Barney DVDs - it's time to find a driver to take us on the final stop of the Festival of the Pork - which is bound to be interesting seeing Munch really isn't sure himself.
We leave at 6.30pm - Munch is determined not to be late - and Munch relays the vague directions to the driver.
*blank stare* - 'okay, nevermind - we'll find it together'
Now that we've been there - I can reveal that the name of the place we were attempting to reach is the Linga Longa Bar - this snippet of information may have been much more useful before we got there, but not to worry - it'll make it easier for everyone else to find now!
We drive down Jl Danau Tamblingan towards the Hyatt, through the little roundabout and follow the road as it turn into Jl Cemara - at the end of which is a 'T' intersection. Turn right at this 'T' intersection into Jl Pengembak and the Linga Longa Bar is a short way down on your left. Or you can just look for the pig on a spit on the side of the road like we did. Whatever works for you.
Munch beats the car door down and runs towards the pig - babbling incoherently while I ask the driver if he wouldn't mind coming back at 8.30 to pick us up after dinner, and I herd Snubs and Mookie inside the bar. First impressions are that this is clearly not a restaurant. There are tables fashioned out of slabs of large trees, but they're not set and are adorned only with a small box of tissue-like napkins. There's also a small pool (the game, not the wet stuff) room to the left side, and some more bar tables along the edge of the bar. I can see the pig, so we're clearly in the right place, but as a family with two young ones we stuck out like a sore thumb and I was a little intimidated at first by what is more of a hangout for locals, than a target for tourists. It's a little rugged, but we weren't here to be impressed by décor or patrons, we were here for pork.
In the middle of the bar there is a band equipment set-up and the whole place is scattered with groups of people who are regulars and know each other well. It's already quarter to 7 and Snubs and Mookie are both getting hungry - so the only way to distract them is to let them have a wander around - and soon after they find their way to the pool room where a Balinese guy wins them over and teaches them how to roll balls into the pockets. He has a young daughter or niece with him too - a little older than Hugh and in no time they're all running around together like old friends.
We order some beers and I take a seat, Munch paces around the pig like an expectant father, stopping every now and then to ask the two guys turning it on the spit detailed questions about how they're cooking it. I can see the kids darting in and out of the pool room, so I keep an eye on them and watch as the bar slowly fills up.
Two couples - obviously friends, come and sit down next to our table and I get chatting to the lady next to me after a while to discover that she is PennyP and she is also a forumite. In all my time in Bali this is the first time I've actually run into someone else on the forum - you are all real people after all! PennyP and Co are here for the suckling pig too - but I can tell by the look on PennyP's friend's face that she does not approve of the lack of 'restaurant-ness' and I can sense discussions going on about whether or not they'll stay. Sure enough, she duly confesses that disappointingly the friends aren't keen and would like to eat somewhere else - and can I please make sure I write a full description of the luscious looking pork she's about to miss out on because of Mrs Stickinthemud.
'No problem' I say, 'I can do that!'
PennyP - this is for you...
A little after 7.15 the guys who have been patiently turning the spit lift it off and deposit the freshly roasted piggy onto a couple of the wooden bench seats which have been covered with a black plastic garbage bag (clean of course). Nearby is the salad bar - a small selection of accompaniments, nothing fancy, but the star of the show is the pork anyway, so who cares.
Chief Spit Turner dons some plastic food handling gloves - wish Mrs Stickinthemud had've stayed - it would have made her feel much better (!) and not quite slices the pork up, but more catches chunks of hot, succulent meat as they break apart under his carving fork, and starts piling the meat up on a tray nearby for serving.
A waitress is going around the bar selling tickets for Rp50k per portion - all you can eat, and once you have your ticket you simply approach the pork bench, get handed a shallow wicker 'plate' lined with scallop-edged greaseproof paper, pile on your salads or rice, some sauces and then get allocated a couple of tongs worth of meat, fork and spoon and off you go.
My grandmother would turn in her grave to hear this - but what the heck, this is the greatest roast pork I've ever eaten in my life (sorry Nanna - I love you). Munch was speechless, on the verge of tears of sheer unabated joy with each mouthful. A spicy sauce was served with the pork, fragranced with lemon grass, hot chili and warm spices, and is the perfect complement to the fatty, rich meat. The skin wasn't 'crackled' as we would normally know it, but it was crisp and delicious and roasted a golden red/brown. The pork itself had of course taken on the smokiness of the fire it was roasted over, but there was not a hint of dryness - the entire beast was sweet, juicy and simply an experience not to be missed.
Munchie goes back for seconds, and I sneak extras off Snubs plate - we bought one each for the boys, but when dinner time came Snubs was discovered sharing a plate with his newfound girlfriend, so rather than break up their impromptu date I took a bullet for him and ate his share - so thoughtful of me. Had it not been so late for the boys - by now it was around 8pm, I'm certain Munch would have devoured anything that was left on the bench.
Please put your inhibitions aside and try it - ignore the giant Bob Marley images, the steer heads, the dim lighting, middle-aged surfie chicks and the floor-stacked vodka cruisers, this is where real, honest-to-goodness food can be found, and OMG it was amazing.
We had around 20 minutes or so until our driver was due to come back and get us, so we paid our drinks bill and went for a quick walk back towards Jl Cemara, where we stumbled across PennyP and Co having dinner somewhere much more civilized. She called out and asked 'How was it?' but we can hear in her slightly cracking voice that deep down she already knows that she just missed out on something divine and that going into the detail there and then would have been like driving a knife through her heart.
To be honest PennyP - this is exactly why we waited until this night to come here, we didn't want to bring O&C along - they would have had exactly the same reaction as your guests :) Some things are just best experienced in your own company.
We meet the driver and pile into the car in a pork-induced stupor - Mookie and Snubs are asleep in seconds and Munch is busy planning where to dig a pit in our back yard that he can fill with coals and suspend a spit over because really, we'd enjoy doing this once a month. Yes dear.
All of us sleep like little pigs in blankets tonight, warm and full and snuggled into Bali...
sampai nanti!