It is with excitement and some trepidation that Big Red (the loved one) and I set forth to Bali next week. It is our umpteenth visit to our favourite holiday destination. I could probably calculate the years just by counting the number of leather jackets I own, but some how that just seems vulgar....
Trepidation? Well, Dr Phil says that the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour. So here's the thing ....
Upon arrival at our hotel, the loved one will invariably strip off his shirt, pooh-pooh the sunscreen, ignore my pleas to put some on and strut out to get ‘10 minutes of sun' on his back. Honestly, it is like watching a train wreck. It results in three days of moaning, enforced pool bar rest and radiating heat lying in the bed next to me. The ‘Big Red' moniker came into being in Tanjung Benoa sometime in the 90s and is sadly as relevant today as it ever was.
Big Red's only responsibility for the whole trip is to ensure that he retrieves our pool noodles at the end of the day and pops them in our room for safe keeping. So far our record for sole noodle ownership stands at 3 days. Invariably, Korean/Russian/German Master 4 sets forth a wail that sees Big Red and Master 4 toe to toe in a noodle tug of war. Big Red is always quick to acquiesce when Mama or Papa Bear comes to Junior's rescue. Big Red doesn't like confrontation in any language and invariably we are down 2 noodles before sun down.
Regardless of my brain telling me not to eat those delicious, garlicky, moreish pool bar peanuts because we have been down that road too many times before, I will inevitably give in to temptation and pay for it by contemplating that eye of a needle yet again. (All the while, Dr Phil sotto voce - What were you thinking?)
Big Red will humour me by supporting my decision to buy the tie dyed, spaghetti strapped, cheese clothy number, echoing my insistence that I will wear it back in Corporate World (and that my triceps, masquerading as fadoobadas are barely noticeable...) Bless him for his desire to stay married.
Sigh. It may be time to jolly well take a good hard look at ourselves. No doubt there will be plenty of time to contemplate all of this whilst floating on a pool noodle. I will just make sure I do this early on in the piece - just in case we relinquish ownership yet again!
Miss M