So we exit Metis, exorbitant tab settled, my expectations suitably adjusted. Piling into a taxi in the torrential downpour that greets us as we step out, I'm struck dumb on the ride home with the realisation that this could be my Bali experience all week...if I let it be. I shouldn't worry - Mum may be in her early 70's now, but there's not one tiny part of this woman that is close to simple-minded. She's already onto me. "I think we'll try a beach warung near Canguu for dinner tomorrow night, something simpler". We all agree. But not before a shopping expedition is organised for the following day, where I'm to learn just how far things have regressed in this region..
Day 1 / Night 2
Innumerable stores line the swept concrete street of the main drag, bursting with softly lit CRAP. It's an easy matter to ignore most of them, but a very few intice me in. One store, Skin, has the kind of floral long sleeved shirts I swore off completely in my early 30's. But here they are again, and I figure, when in Rome..... I emerge not half an hour later decked out in shorts and top I'm assured will get me past any door b1tch this island puts up. Meanwhile, the further assurance that "you'll be able to wear this at home too" is ringing hollow - I know full well my UFC-loving mates will piledrive me through the floor of any sports bar we enter, on sight.
$170 poorer for shoes, 2 shirts and shorts, I feel dirty - like I've just streetwalked Main Road, Bangkok in fishnets. I last bought 10 t-shirts here for $10 - to spend 5 times that on a single item, no matter the bargain it offers compared to home, has me offended at my own complacency. So with the budget well and truly scuppered for the day, we jump a taxi back to the villa for swims and a re-charge. Mum has decided that with all these clothes I am now packing, perhaps Potato Head would be the better dinner option? I am pining for a more downmarket experience tonight, but I have heard so much about this place offshore, and the chance to meet some other people under 70, that I agree. Turns out PH is fully booked, so we can try just turning up and see how we go with the Lounge area, they suggest. So we do.
Another downpour accompanies us all the way up the driveway as at 6pm, the place is already jumping. So lively in fact, we can't get a seat on a rubbish bin let alone a table with a view. So the taxi makes it's way back down that beautiful driveway, towards.....Mum has a brainwave - "let's try Naughty Nuri's". Never heard of the place, and I'm not really in the mood for 'a floor show and the smorgasboard that they're famous for', but if there is a hint of naked girl action I guess I can be placated. So we make our way to the upper reaches of Kerobokan, me expecting very little now.The rain has stopped.
Whoah - This is more like it! Nuri's is near packed, the smell of grilling pork and chicken fills the air and the smoke from the bbq dresses us in an acrid 'welcome'. We grab a prime shared table near the road, the noise of a thousand locals on motorbikes drowning out my first order of "Bintang, the largest bottle you have". The standard pitcher, unfortunately, duly arrives. Oh well, oh well, Nevermind as it's about then we meet Rock & Roller (R&R), whom I can't more directly address in these paragraphs as he is virtually a resident there and some of you have no doubt come across him. Sitting across from us, R&R quickly picks up on some shared interests, we compare tattoos and resumes, and contact cards are eventually exchanged - I should give him a call for a "f#@$ng insane time tonight". My Mum and partner start to look nervous - I'm grinning like a schoolboy who's just had his braces removed. We leave Nuri's late, sated, with wallets only barely lighter. Though I'm tempted to follow R&R down the short path to debauchery at that very moment, by the time we return to the villa, I'm spent and can't find the energy to get back out there (haven't been sleeping well, due to heat and time change). But things are looking up - I know it won't be long before I'm giving R&R a call so he can "kill me" with an unplanned journey through the Bali backblocks.