It's Monday, so it's off to Kuta. I'm going to play that great game of bogan spotting, and fat hair braided women defensive avoidance. I play this game often in Brisbane.
Well, so much for a good nights sleep, the people next door had two screaming brats doing their best to wake everybody up. I'm sure the parents were asleep and just let these kids scream themselves to sleep. It was an absolute nightmare. So, Mr Grumpy heads off for breakfast, I don't really feel the need to go bag shopping, purse shopping, dress shopping or any form of bloody shopping. I want to be left alone, have a rest, a beer, a sleep and do some German pool towel retrievals
Breakfast was its normal brilliance, although I was disappointed that my favourite chicken sausages have still to put in an appearance. I reckon this a cunning German plan to de-stabilise my palette, and drive me insane with withdrawal symptoms, however, this is partially offset by the radiance of Ibu Omellete's smile, and smooth delivery of two eggs into the perfect spot on my plate. I jostled into position to feed to toaster, I had my England Polo shirt on so the Germans knew who they were dealing with. I never mentioned the war, and if I did, I think I got away with it. I took a while to scan the other NON SMOKING tables, it always fascinates me to see what sort of concoctions some people have for breakfast. Now , I'll be honest, gherkins, noodles , omelette and salad just don't do it for me, but, each to their own. Some were probably grimacing at the pool of HP sauce on my plate...but hey, I love the stuff, have done ever since I was a kid... yes, my memory is that good
I had almost devoured my baconfest , (I made the last few rashers into a sanger), and , a very polite man came and introduced himself to me. It was Mr Wibowa, who was delivering a dinner voucher that I had purchased from another forumite. I had agreed in advance, to pay a donation to Amlapura orphanage for exchange of said voucher. I left this money with Mr Wibowa. Mr Wibowa , I assume from his demeanour that he is one of the top dogs at Novotel , and must be in their Sales and Marketing team. Lovely guy, and a pleasure to meet and do something for a mutual acquaintance that means so much to us all . We finished off breakfast with a slurp of English breakfast tea, a pastry and indigestion. Back to our room to catch up on the news and we are ready for an assault on Kuta, but not before I had another assault on the dunny.... Too much information??
We walk out to the front of the Novotel, armed with enough Rupiah to wallpaper the lobby, we hail a Bluebird that seems to have appeared from nowhere. We ask the driver to drop us at the Discovery Centre, we share half an hour of jolly banter, and duly arrive at the set down point. First port of call... the big Centro shop on the top floor. My wife needs some eyeliner pencils, ( why isn't my 2B any good?).. shoes, bags, dresses, purses and whatever else that it takes to keep me out of the Stadium bar. Shock , Horror....(but I'm inwardly elated), there is no Clinique section anymore, alas, this is compensated by approximately 5,000 pairs of shoes. I might be wrong, but I think she missed trying on 4 or 5 of them. So, 2 pairs shoes , some skincare products , and slouched shoulders, we head to Starbucks. YAK!!! It was atrocious... had the Germans infiltrated the milk stocks?? It was appalling, we left it, we left the centre and walked up JL Kartika Plaza to Sakura DVD shop. 'You want to buy another England shirt boss ?' ...not really, I'm hot enough with this one on thanks, but I'll have a Bintang if there's one spare . Talking of which, on my saunter up the street, dodging timeshare touts, and arrogant French, it wasn't long before I clapped eyes on the Kuta bogans. There they were in all their glory... those horrible smudged tattoos, pony tails, Bintang singlets, fake boardies and thongs..what an absolute atrocious advert for our nation. Accompanying them, of course, the hair braided wide loads , with those stupid tattoos on the inside of the ankles or calves.... Just what is that all about? I immediately made the decision that there would be no Stadium Bar for me today, and handbag shopping now seemed a great alternative. I'm sorry, but I always have a good standard of dress, and I hate being pigeon holed as 'one of them loud and brash Aussies'... so you have the Stadium Bar...I'll enjoy a cocktail on the beach thanks very much. Anyway, I bought 28 DVD's , and some of them don't work on my Bose system at home, but they do through my Playstation 3....how does that work? I'm easily confused!
*HOT TIP ALERT * ...now then...a find!!! Gloria Jeans has opened a coffee shop next to Matahari, and is fully aircon UPSTAIRS and has FREE WI-FI !! This was to be a bit of sanctuary for us when we visited Kuta. The coffee is the same as you get here, and , so are the prices... and that sure is how to make money in Bali !! It is owned by an Aussie guy, who obviously has good business acumen, and good luck to him. It was bogan free, and a good class for cliental were enjoying not only the view, but a very comforting fruit chiller on a very hot day. It also has all latest Aussie newspapers, the staff are mega friendly, and the toilet downstairs is very clean .... And was a saviour.
It was almost midday, and, we hadn't purchased any bags, so, without more to do, it's off to Poppies 1 for a bit of bartering and retail therapy. God, it was hot walking down that alley, it takes a lot out of me keep dodging those scooters. We eventually locked into a bag stall close to the corner where Un's restaurant is. After what seemed an eternity, and to the frustration of the stall holders, my wife decides on 3 large handbags..D & G, Jimmy Choo and Prada... all different colours.Let the games begin !! The opening gambit was a ridiculous 2mill rupiah, I laughed so much that I nearly had to dash for the loo again. I had to use all my tight ass Pommie bartering skills to eventually secure a deal at 625,000, and I gave them 20,000 for some beers . Done? Probably, but it was just so hot, I needed a drink.
We head for Poppies restaurant...and oldie but goldie. Always enjoy a meal there, and today was no different. The waitress greeted us, and the beetroot on my shoulders was a sure fire giveaway that I would like to sit under a fan. We had a mie goreng and beef curry, coke and lemon squash..delicious , and refreshed we head for Bagus tailor. Turn left out of Poppies restaurant, turn right into the little gang where Un's restaurant resides.Cross over the road, so now we are in the street that leads back up to the Hard Rock. After about 300 metres , there is another gang on the left, and this is where Bagus tailor is. We enter the shop, and my wife presents ‘Bobby Brown' with a pair of Veronika Maine pants that she would like copied. She picks 4 colours, and 4 slightly different designs... again, after much deliberation, agree to a price of 1.7millrp for the 4... and I quickly work out that is $70 a pair cheaper than she pays here... we are all happy, we have to pick them up on Friday
I then remark that I can't recall ever going down Poppies 2... can you believe that? In 5 trips, I've never been to Poppies 2.. what a lightweight! So, we go back down Poppies 1, and exit facing the beach, we walk towards Poppies 2 and it's time for a beer and a snack. We park our butts on one of the sofas outside Kuta Seaview Cottages ( the ones with al the red umbrellas),and I make a barrier with a ll the big cushions so that I am sitting in shade. The inside of my right leg is red raw with sunburn, but at leats it's taking my mind off the slight problem with the Eartha Kitt's. While sitting there, I turn my attention to the swimming pool ( as you do)..and oh no ! it's a haven for bogans! There they all are, large Bintangs lined up around the edge of the pool while their obese torsos float soaking up the sun. What an absolute shocking sight...it nearly turned me off my Pizza. During my second drink, a DJ appears and cranks up the 'music' just before sunset. Time to go !! That duff duff rubbish really grates on my nerves, how can anyone argue that this ‘house' , ‘hip hop' and ‘rap; drivel is music? It is absolute garbage , a generation have been duped. Give me Tom Jones and Frank Ifield anyday.
So we depart hastily before those bass tones demolish my eardrum, and we walk down Poppies 2. To be honest. I hadn't really missed much had I? and I was really appalled at some of those sticker signs (you know the ones I mean) are on full display for children to see. Ahhhh... so this is where the Bogan Bounty is, and what a shocker of a place it looks... you would never get me there in a lifetime, it really is a magnet for poor taste, yobs , and pool lounge hoggers. We stopped at one shop to barter and pay for a short black dress. 80,000rp...this will look great with the slink back high heels I got earlier from Centro (...) We decide enough is enough, we head back to Kuta Square, and to Gloria Jeans... the same people were still in there from 5 hours ago, using the internet etc, which I think is a bit of a cheek, unless they are buying countless coffees (which I doubt) during the day. We enjoy a refreshing drink and a cold towel, and we head off towards the Stadium Bar to get a taxi. Mt Bluebird duly appears and we are whisked away at break neck speed to the Novotel. One highlight of this cab ride, is to tell you that this is the first time I had ever encountered road rage in Bali. Our Taxi driver was driving along the Ngurah Rai bypass, when, out of nowhere, 2 youngsters on a motorbike cut straight in front of him, the pillion passenger turned round and laughed. I commented to my wife on how stupid their action was. Well, fourth gear dropped to second, the engine roared and Schumacher was on their tail... touching 90kmh is some parts, he eventually weaved in and out of traffic so he was alongside them.. he then deliberately tried to clip their back wheel(at speed) with his front bumper, and must have missed by a fraction. I hate to think what the outcome would have been, and we both sat in the back in stunned silence for the remainder of the trip. It shook me up, and I don't mind admitting such.
So back to the hotel, we drop off our days collections, and we head out to the Penida Stage to catch the last part of the Barong Dance. It is Balinese buffet for dinner tonight, and should have been back earlier to take part...never mind, there's always next March!! Mr Wibowa is on Stage in all his glorious regalia, he notices and acknowledges me...all of a sudden people turned round to see who he had spoken to, and Wharfie felt like a bit of celeb ...awww ..bless. We retire to our room , the glorious air conditioning, let's hope we do have a good nights' sleep tonight
We had great day, but the palaver with the taxi and the scooter was playing on my mind...... to be continued (and thanks for reading).....