Who would have thought by the end of the today I would have been bitten, spat on, had food thrown at me and had number twos (poo) dripped down my back. Better yet the wife almost lost an arm.
The day started off normal enough we had brekky down the road at the Corner Bar which is next to the Fairy Shop down from The All Seasons. Not bad. A full English breakfast is only 25000rph. The toasted ham and cheese was nice and fresh.
We headed back to the hotel and pretty much jumped straight into the car with Raceng. We had planned to go to the Bali Zoo after reading about it on the forum and the internet. We didn't know what to expect and I'm a bit of a softy for animal rights. I realize there are lots of unfortunate people in Bali but I can't help but feel sorry for the dogs I see covered in mange.
We got to the zoo around 1130hrs and what an awesome place it is. How different from the Perth zoo could it be? It's cheap to get in, it has beautiful surrounds, you can touch and feed just about any animal there and you know the money you spend there is going to back to the people and animals.
Before we'd walked 10 metres the kids had already touched an iguana and held a baby crocodile. 30 meters further on, and we're still not in the zoo, and the Horse Freak has had a horse ride for $2.00AU while everyone else walked up to the entrance.
We walked through to the first couple of enclosures and I had a sinking feeling that the four or five enclosures were pretty much the whole zoo. It's very deceptive because the paths meander through the beautiful lush garden so one enclosure is hidden from the next.
I'm not big on zoos and refuse to support any circus with wild animals in it but realize the benefit when a place like this tries so hard to protect endangered animals. Some of the cages could be bigger but many of the animals spend so much time flying or walking free throughout the zoo that there seems to be a balance.
Let's get to the blood and guts. We had walked half way through the zoo and the kids were having some photos with another iguana so they could get so presents made for Oma and Nanny (So I can't tell you what they did).
It's not like any zoo I have ever been to. If the guides walk away they expect, if not encourage you to pick the birds up or pat the iguana (man they're big).
So all the kids held one exotic animal or another. I thought I better do my daddly duties (daddly...is that even a word) So I picked up the biggest bird I could find and it proceeded to walk up my arm and sh!t down my back. Funny thing was I predicted it even before I'd picked the bird up. So why did I do it anyway. It's Bali.
Do you reckon the wife wiped it of straight away? Nah, she was too busy getting photos of the kids patting some other animal with three heads and a tail (No my mother in-law is still in Perth).
Didn't one of our Prime Ministers get poo'd on by a koala or a wombat. So I'm in good company.
With that little smear campaign (it's almost election time) out of the way I went to give another bird a try. I felt patriotic so went for the sulpher (How the hell do you spell that? My mother emailed me today and criticized my spelling and that I hook into her for being Dutch. She's a retired teacher from Holland after all) crested white cockatoo.
Bloody thing bit me! Did I get any sympathy? Nope. But the wife did put the mocka on me and mentioned everything happens in threes. She didn't say anything about them happening in fours and fives.
I had to apply my own first aid because the boss had a video in one hand and camera in the other hoping I'd be struck with some other disaster and she could make some money from my grief.
I don't know why we thought it was so funny, but some of the parrots talk, in Indonesian.
We walked to Jackie, the orangutan's, enclosure. The funny thing is there is a sign which clearly tells you to be careful that Jackie sometimes throws food and things (You can imagine what THINGS are) at people.
He is huge. Mind you after another visit to Bali Bakery today Jackie and I could compare man cans.......
He was also very cute as far as primates go. He held out his hand and looked me in the eye. I threw the last mango we had. He deftly pealed it and deftly threw the skin at me.... The cheeky buggar. Didn't throw it at anyone else. Straight at me and he had a smile on his face while he did it.
The kids and wife thought that was hilarious so wanted me to throw another mango to him. I have to point out they encourage you to feed the animals. It felt so naughty. Imagine doing that at the Singapore Zoo!
So of course, being the monkey I am, I threw another mango. Well, Jackie didn't both eating too much of this one or it simply wasn't to his taste because he threw the bulk of it straight at me. Funny thing was I was standing in front of the wife and ducked out of the way. No, she didn't get hit but I wish she had.
Things couldn't get any more weird? Wrong! Everyone wanted photos of the hitman, sorry orangutan, but he was camera shy, literally. He was hiding in a corner. You can't tell me they're not incredibly intelligent animals.
One of the kids pointed out that there was a small window covered in wire, where you could see him. The wife asked me to have a look to see if she could get a photo. I didn't think I was that gullible given my old man once handed me a bag of rumbutans before we walked into the monkey temple and 150 monkeys jumped me. I'd learnt a valuable lesson from that but must have been taken in by the moment.
I walked around the corner only to have Jackie spit straight in my face........
Say Hi for me next time you see him.....bloody big monkey. If he couldn't rip my arms out of my sockets and split me in half I would have jumped that fence, swam that moat and socked him in his massive flat orangutan nose.
The fun and adventure didn't stop there. You can feed the lions and tigers here. And you can hold the bats. I'm not big on snakes but I reckon I'm not that fond of bats either. Gave the bat a miss given my recent run in with the primate. What is it with me and monkeys? Don't say it. I know they're smarter than me.
The wife wanted to feed the lion. So we paid our 25000rph, a whole $3.25AU and walked to the enclosure with the guide who wanted to hand me the bat earlier. I should have realized things would go pear shaped.
She put the meat on a very short metal pole. Now I was expecting a 5 foot long wooden pole and maybe a platform 10 feet in the air. Nope. You get a 3 foot long steal pole with the lump of meat that you put through the iron bars from the footpath. You're 'THAT' close.
Well, I'm glad I was the one with the video this time. The lioness grabbed the pole and the meat and proceeded to pull the meat, wife and pole into the enclosure. The wife turned to the guide and said, 'Should I let go?' The guide said no and took hold of the pole too. I've had dreams about that sort of thing.........
So now both of them are being dragged into the enclosure. The pole was bent in two before they simply couldn't hold onto it anymore and it was dragged into the enclosure minus the wife and guide.
They put the lion in her night quarters and armed with a running hose, which separated from the tap and didn't reach the cage anyway, a young bloke reached in and got the pole back. I was a bit of a smarty bum and tried to scare him but he said he was waiting for his friend to do it anyway. Cheeky buggar.
The rest of the zoo trip was uneventful but I thoroughly encourage everyone to visit the zoo and offer your money and support. There are a heap of nice new enclosures being built and they will be ready in no time.
We spent 4 hours there without even realizing. Poor Raceng must be the second most patient man in the world. Yes, I'm the most patient, you haven't met number two child or had to eat breakfast with her while she screamed blue murder.
We headed into Ubud. That place has changed even from last year when we were here. I know people are disappointed that Bali is becoming so commercialized but like one of the shop keepers said, 'Bali changes and the Balinese change with it'.
We went to the Monkey Forest but that was uneventful for us. I took Raceng's advice and didn't fed the monkeys. He said if we wanted a bit of fun just watch the other tourists feeding the monkeys.......How right he was.
I think I heard every swear word imaginable in 10 different languages. The monkeys are pretty good here and in such a small space.
We had lunch at Adi Asri, which looked a little touristy so I was surprised Raceng took us there (not that we're tourists or anything). But it was a good move and the food was great. Shayne said the Cap Cay was best meal he had in Bali so far.
7 main meals and drinks came to 405000rph (less than $60AU).
The toilets were a 6 but only because they are a bit tired but really clean.
We walked over to the markets and I bargained for something for my mother (no I'm not telling you mum). I didn't mind so much that I probably paid too much because it really is quite pretty. The markets here have some really nice knick-knacks and stocking stuffers. They are also a bit cheaper than Kuta.
While the two women and Shayne, make that three women, he does support the Eagles after all, went shopping I took the kids to a café. It's just opposite the markets and about 300 meters down from the pavilion where all the drivers sit. It's quite new and owned by a French guy. It has French writing on its sign but for the life of me I can't remember what it was called.
The kids had crepes and the French owner greeted us warmly and even entertained my broken high school French. The walls inside are lined with bookshelves. The books are categorized by language.
He gave the kids books to read which was a great move and made my time there peaceful. The kids thought it was great when the street dogs drank out of the fish ponds. Thomas asked what would happen if the dog caught a fish. I said, 'It'd be a lucky dog'. The dunnies are a 7.
I didn't tell anyone but I had some ice crème thing with almonds and chocolate sauce. Very yummy.
We walked back to the car and ran into the crew. Poor Shayne was weighed down with bags. The boss only had a packet of pretty little purses for small gifts and stockings at Christmas. They were only 4000rph each.
From there we headed back towards Kuta but because it was getting late we got Raceng to drop us off at the Bali Bakery and he headed home. He's such a good bloke. He was more than happy to wait for us while we ate but I knew he hadn't seen his family all day so told him to head home and see them.
We had wood fire pizza, lasagne, BB Crème Pie (which is like an upside down shepherds pie) and chicken snitzel. It was all absolutely delicious and so very well priced. Afterwards we all had various cakes. OK we all had two or more various cakes each. Yes we ordered take away cakes too..........I feel so dirty.
A trick for young players. If your kids are checking out the cakes and point to any of them, the ladies bring them to your table. It's a bit hard to say no once they put a chocolate éclair in front of a four year old, or an almost 40 year old for that matter.
Back to the hotel to purge.