Hello, this is Ivor Skoop for the Cyber Rag reporting from beautiful downtown Legian. After hearing gossip about unusual activity all along Kuta and Legian beach I finished my sundowner and left the lovely Martha T to her tippling and headed to the beach to investigate.
All along the beach at every esky there were groups of mainly male Australians with their heads together, calculators in hand, voices raised, hands waving.
This I decided needed me to go under cover, so I took of my shirt and eased my shorts down, low, really low and secured my thong (of the foot variety) with a cable tie. I was ready, so stepping over Mr. Hools I plonked myself on a plastic stool and ordered a beer. Everyone was still preoccupied with the calculations that were in progress but I was prepared to wait. This was going to be big, very big. Every journalistic bone in my body knew it was going to be bigger even than the day that the Queen of England had a few binnies at S&S.
My waiting proved worthwhile. One man broke away from the bemused huddle and sat down next to me. It was Bazza the board rider from Brunswick and soon he was joined by his friend Fernando from Flores.
"Do you hear the drums Fernando?" he asked. Pointing north towards Blue Ocean Beach.
"yes" replied Fernando "I hear them Baz, but tonight I won't be drumming. I'm going to stay here and drink the free beer. All you Aussie boys are going to be shouting, I hear."
"You could be right my friend." said Bazza "You very well could be right. I mean, it's free isn't it. What's a bloke 'sposed to do?"
Then as I shared my bag of crunchy garlic coated peanuts with Fernando the story unfolded.
Bazza had a glazed bemused look in his eyes as he began to talk.
"Look Ivor" he said, leaving me a bit miffed that he recognised me through my disguise but he is a very astute man and I'm not one to let my feelings get in the way of a good story so I remained silent.
"It's like this and they have proved it with their calculations over there at least 20 times. A couple of weeks ago the exchange rate was Rp.7000 to the Aussie but now it is Rp.7400 which is great but it goes deeper than that. If you budget on $AU100 per day cashed for spending a couple of weeks back that would have given you Rp.700,000
per day. Thing is that now it gives you Rp.740,000 doesn't it?
Now a beach beer, as everyone knows, is Rp.8000 so since you have an extra Rp.40,000 per day that, unequivicably, means that you can now have 5 beers a day free. Absolutely free Mate."
As he finished speaking the group of true blue Aussie blokes broke up and they drifted accross to pull up a stool at Nyomans bar. As the lifesavers from the nearby tower drifted hopefully accross to join us silence fell on the crowd. A silence only broken by the sound of Budi from up the beach dragging an extra esky of beer along the sand.
and there I must leave it. The implications will be clear to you I'm sure so this is Ivor Skoop signing off from beautiful Legian Beach.