Good Evening to all
An extended family group that apparently created some kind of ruckus brought Bali to my attention.
It wasn't on my travelling radar until this point, as we had already travelled to more exotic places on the globe such as Newcastle, Batemans Bay and a very fulfilling trip to Rottnest Island as part of a West Coast getaway weekend when we were youngsters.
Why Bali? Well my brothers Les and Bert (Albert, but you can't call me Al) have been asked never to return there. For me, that's all I needed. Somewhere that they are not.
It's not that I don't like them, it's just that, well, we're different. Les has a few issues with drinking and gambling plus a friend named Barney (which is why his wife Edna still hasn't returned). Bert is just a little bit like a pool player, always behind the eight ball.
The reason that I still like them is that we all live in different states. I must say that we are in regular contact though....every Christmas day. I guess this makes us a fairly normal family.
But on to our trip.
My wife Theresa and I, although at this point I must say that Theresa is not really a Brown as she chose to hyphenate with her maiden name when we married. So Theresa Greenen became Theresa Greenen-Brown. But that aside we chose to make Bali our first overseas trip since Rottnest, and have simply fallen in love with Airport lounges and can't wait to do it again (Ferry Terminals just don't cut it any more).
So, anyway, here we were at Adelaide airport in the departure lounge feeling quite nervous about our flight when along came a Federal Police officer with an explosives sniffer dog. The little fellow worked his way from person to person, bag to bag, when he suddenly stopped at Theresa and sniffed away at her hand luggage then curiously turned his attention to her seat.
I told the officer that it had been a while since anything went off with a bang down there. His reply was a simple stern look, and then he reached for his radio.
I limped back quietly after my ‘Security Interview' wondering all the while if that glove really was sterile. One can never be too careful.
The high level of security only served to relieve our nerves and we boarded the plane feeling quite buoyant. I actually had trouble getting the smile off of my face.
Upon finding our seats I realised that someone had mistakenly put their hand luggage in the locker directly above me. I helped them out by taking it down and placing it in the aisle and then stowing my own where it belonged.
Three rows behind me a young man wandered up and claimed it for his friend. He simply muttered ‘ Sally-Elle can't. I'll put it down the back'. Young Sally-Elle is lucky to have friends to help her like that.
The flight itself was rather unremarkable, although, I have since been told that the oxygen masks dropping down whilst the plane performs a rapid descent is not always provided as a standard safety drill. Some of us are just lucky I guess.
The food was probably quite nice too. But as it was served just before the rapid descent safety drill, most of us tried it as Haute Couture rather than Nuevo Cuisine.
We finally landed in Bali to a rousing applause throughout the aircraft, strangely it was all coming from the cabin crew. They really must love coming home.
Our first taste of the heat and the smell were exactly as most of you have described.
The heat was wonderful, and the smell was fine after my third time throwing up.
It's truly amazing how the taste of vomit overrides all other senses.
Going through Customs and Immigration was really quite easy as, for some reason, Australian immigration had called ahead and told them about my search at home.
They offered me the option of going straight through for $200 or having another search for only $100. Obviously I knew I had nothing to hide so I saved myself $100.
There was no need to worry about the sterility of the gloves this time, as one wasn't used.
We then grabbed ourselves one of those Porters you all love, as my limp had become quite pronounced.
He was wonderful in the way he showed Theresa how she should load the bags onto the trolley and then guided her manfully as she pushed it to the aisle that he seemed to favour.
Once outside we were amazed by the amount of tour guides and drivers holding up signs. It was immediately apparent to me that there was no sign with our name on it, so I yelled at the top of my voice ‘Is anyone here to pick up Mr and Mrs Brown'.
At that, six of these men strangely dropped their signs and ran away screaming.
One can only assume that they've met Les, Barney or Bert.
A young man named Wayne eventually came forward to claim us and pointed Theresa in the right direction to push the trolley to his vehicle whilst I bargained the porter down to a more reasonable fifty dollars than the one hundred that he had asked for.
A fifty percent discount on my first try at bargaining, this trip is going very well already.
I wandered out into the car park to find Theresa struggling with loading all the bags into the vehicle. I thought I'd better do the right thing, so I went to get her a nice cool drink for when she was finished. When I arrived back she was all loaded but the walk had made me quite thirsty and I had finished the drink.
Oh well, we'll soon be at the hotel.
When we first decided to come here I had sent an email to the lovely little hotel where Bert and his family had stayed, the ‘Relli Bukinsori'. It sounded lovely and I mentioned that I was Berts brother so that we could get a good rate.
Unfortunately they sent back an email stating that they now did their bookings alphabetically and that names beginning with B could not be accepted for the dates that we wanted. Shame that, we were looking forward to it.
After that initial disappointment we started to search for something suitable and Theresa loved the idea of staying at Amed. The only problem was that every hotel I emailed wanted us to book in for special dinners or only use their transport or some such similar thing that raised the price significantly.
I told Theresa that unless she could find something in Amed without strings attached that we wouldn't be going there.
We eventually settled on the Camp Lung Mas as we are both smokers and have done a lot of camping at home.
When we arrived there we were surprised to see that the tents had been replaced with hotel rooms. This made the value so much better than we had hoped.
As we were booking in a young waiter came to the foyer with a tray of ‘Welcome drinks'. Theresa picked one up, but before she took a sip I asked the young man what was in it. He looked at me with a large cheeky grin and said ‘Her Rack...it's very nice'
I was stunned and told the little blighter to get his eyes of my wife's rack and just do his job.
Theresa seemed quite flattered though and told me I should compliment her rack more often myself.
We were soon on the way to our room, which I told them, had to be on the ground floor as it wasn't fair on Theresa to carry the luggage upstairs. Strangely though a young man came and carried it all for her. I decide not to intervene, as she needs a break now and then.
Before long we were in our bathers and sitting at the pool bar. A rather muscly looking young bar man came over and handed me a cocktail list, so I ordered a beer and asked him what would he suggest for my wife. He leaned over and whispered ‘I like make Jiggy Jig for your wife' I told him if it's all right with her then it's fine with me.
He then went over and apparently whispered the ingredients to her, which she must have liked, as she nodded her head vigorously. For some reason though, she still only ended up with a beer the same as mine.
A few more beers as the sun went down and we began to feel a bit peckish. A young man emerged from the kitchen to take our orders and I thought I would try a dish that Bert had told me he loved. I explained to the young man about the chicken on wooden skewers served with a peanut sauce and asked if he was able to cook that for me. He replied ‘Yes sir, Sat'day I am'. I thought oh well, it's only Thursday, I can wait another two days for something that special. So I ordered a steak and chips.
It was soon time to turn in for the night so I went to bed with a good book. Theresa said she wasn't tired, so was going down for her lesson on how to make Jiggy Jigs with the muscly cocktail waiter. She said she might be a while, as they may need to make a few to get it right.
All in all a lovely and productive first day.
John Brown