In Reply to: toilet paper!! posted by nzgirl on Monday, 3. April 2006 at 06:25 Bali Time:
Reading these post made me laugh about all the funny toilet stories I have read in the past on BTF. Here are some that I had saved as they were so funny. Hope the people who wrote them don't mind them being posted again.
BALI TOILET STORIES
It's an artform Posted by Hillary on Thursday, 23. January 2003 at 15:18 Bali Time:
Well I'm thinking of writing a thesis on the subject and my research has so far led me to this process.
1. Take off undies and shorts if applicable.
2. If no hook on door put said undies and shorts on your head.
3. Hang bag around neck - if the strap is too short hold in teeth - if the strap is so long that bag may dangle in pee, push it in your bra.
4. If you are wearing a skirt screw it up and tuck it in your bra, hopefully there is room in there with the bag strap. If you are wearing a mini then you have no problem.
5. It's a good idea to get the tissue out of your bag before you stuff it in your bra.
6. Crouch low, very low.
7. Use your pelvic muscles to moderate flow and avoid too much splash back. If your pelvic muscles are stuffed you're in trouble.
8. Scoop water.
9. Sluice.
10. Pat dry in the usual fashion.
11. Exit clean, dry, relieved and dignified.
12. Don't forget your undies are on your head.
In Reply to: It's an artform posted by Hillary on Thursday, 23. January 2003 at 15:18 Bali Time:
Squat toilets Posted by Mad Batak on Thursday, 23. Jan 2003 at 15:54 Bali Time:
. Hillary is oh so right about the technique, however ...
Point 8. Scoop water. It may not be a good idea to scoop water out of the tank/bucket because the previous pee-er may have splashed a little too much. You should fill up the scoop with fresh water from the tap (assuming there is a tap) and use that.
However, leaning over to reach the tap keeping undies on head and bag in bra may be a little difficult. After decades in Bali, we have finally found out that shopkeepers (usually without tissues) are able to use squat toilets in all their finery using the "drip dry" technique - or rather the "drip, shake, boogie and dry enough" technique! ;}
Hysterical! Your instructions remind me of an experience my husband had in a loo in a large shopping centre in Denpasar a few years back.
He got the sudden urge to use his bowels (hasn't this happened to us all in Bali?) and received directions to toilets located on top floor. As he is very tall (nearly 2m) the thought of having to squat on his recently re-constructed knee (a basketball injury) wasn't very appealing but no choice. In his usual careful way he removed his boardshorts and his undies and hung them over the door and proceeded to squat.
After completing his requirements, he attempted to stand up in order to attend to the necessary clean up operations but his knee had locked! He reached over and grabbed the tap and used this to lever himself up - and, you guessed it - it broke off in his hand and a jet of water began gushing everywhere. He was unable to stem the flow so he stuck his behind over the jet thus effecting the clean up operation and used his undies to dry himself and subsequently had to dispose of them in the pan.
All this time there was someone waiting outside for him to vacate the cubicle, which was awash with dubious looking liquid which was flowing under the door. My husband had to get back into his shorts outside the cubicle as it was like a car wash inside, in full view of the next victim. Hopping on one wet leg after the other, his wedding tackle swinging proudly he must have nearly frightened the poor guy to death. (Or really impressed him, my husband says!)
He arrived back at my side, wet and dishevelled and shouting "Let's get out of hear before I'm arrested!" We laughed all the way back to Legian in the taxi.
Posted by Warwick on Thursday, 23. January 2003 at 19:19 Bali Time:
Salmonella inspired Bandung dunny visit. This was at the airport in Bandung. 6:30 am. Girlfriend and I had to rush in to the mens and womens at the same time, needing to hurl. Not too many seconds later we both came out again and looked at each other and wanted to cry.
Beginning to heave again we both rushed back in. The good bit was that they were Western toilets. The bad bit was that the Indonesians didn't know the difference. Raised toilets they may have been, but the footmarks on either side of the bowl perimeter, and all THE DRIED MATERIAL on the dunny seat showed us that these were squat toilets at heart. And that after all those years some people still hadn't learned the art of AIMING. Of course the ambiance of the toilets made me hurl all that much harder. So much so that the rough Fokker flight around and between the Javanese volcanoes didn't induce any more vomiting cos we didnt have any more to give.
Not quite the loo but sort of the same.. It's funny how Bali Belly can hit. You feel perfectly fine, not even the slightest bit queasy. For me, it occurred in the shower. I was not expecting anything, just soaping happily and suddenly lunch erupted from my behind like a volcano. OMG. I was mortified, and totally grossed out. I turned the water up to full blast. And then I realized that my problems were about to get bigger. The water wasn't draining. I don't mean that it had started draining slowly, I mean that it was not draining AT ALL! What the hell was I going to do!? I stuck various objects down the drain in many desperate attempts to unclog it, but in vain. I tried everything and was almost hysterical by the end of it. Finally I decided to use a cup to scoop all the water and my lunch into the toilet. Several flushes later, there was nothing left in the bath tub. Luckily I had brought household grade antiseptic wipes and I spent the next 15 minutes disinfecting every bathroom surface several times. I felt fine now, but the problem remained that our drain was now blocked. Completely blocked. If I was 50 years older, I think I would have had a heart attack.
It was 11:45 at night, so I didn't expect housekeeping to help us. It was certainly testament to the quality of the hotel that someone was at our room within 10 minutes. It took the poor guy another 20 to unclog the drain. My friend peered down the newly unclogged drain and commented 'Wow, now I can see the holes. I thought it was supposed to be all black.' (it was full of hair) I then disinfected every surface several more times for good measure. I apologise if I provided too much information there... It was not funny at all at the time for me, but I can laugh about it now (just!)
At about 12:30pm, the toilet started running and making a very loud, sick sound. At least it wasn't my fault this time. My friend suggested we just turn the water off and get it fixed the next morning. I needed a functioning toilet though, so to my friends' confusion I INSISTED that we call housekeeping again. This way met by rolling eyes and 'Can't we just do it tomorrow? There will be toilets at the clubs.... I am so NOT calling housekeeping again!' I made the call this time, 'Hi. We have a problem with our toilet.... In room one thousand and....' The guy cut in 'Yes, I know your room number'. OMG how embarrassing. We gave him a huge tip once the toilet was fixed!