In Reply to: Drugs!! posted by Bob Bali on Saturday, 19. February 2005 at 09:42 Bali Time:
My heart just bleeds for you and for all other parents caught in this unspeakable hell. My best friend's son got into drugs & booze in his late teens and I watched her break her heart as he went down that trail of destruction ... being expelled from several schools, housebreaking, became a vagrant, to the worst thing a Mother could endure - he murdered someone. He's now been in gaol about 10 years and has another 7 or 8 to go. She will never be released.
He knows he would also be dead now, had he & the other guy not been gaoled, because he wouldn't have been able to kick the drugs. He's desperately sorry and although he can't remember the event because they were all off their faces, acknowledges his part in it.
His mother can't overcome the dreadful guilt that she feels - the knowledge that her beloved only son was capable of such an act, irrespective of his state of mind at the time. The authorities believe he has good prospects for rehabilitation and re-entry into society when he is released. She feels he is in a safe place now and fears he will return to drugs when he is released. She will be in her mid 70's. Rehabilitation? Not for her.
He started on pot at school. He soon tried other stuff. The first time, his father (divorced then and now dead) spoke with the headmaster, made a donation to the building fund ..... and when he was expelled, the reason hushed up in return for promises of reformed behaviour. When the first housebreaking arrest happened his Mother begged his Father not to get involved and to let him live with the consequences of his actions. His father's friend the barrister ensured the family name wasn't besmirched. And so it went on .... tears, promises - a period of quiet - hope and working in the family firm ...the next "Event" .. rows, "family fix up" ... until he finally reached rock bottom. His Father died before the final chapter - vagrancy in another State, late night calls to his mother from hospitals - her dread every time the phone rang at night. And then the police rang & told her that her son had been arrested for murder.
My friend has aged beyond her years and I've watched wariness & sadness replace her mischevious, humorous personality. In the hours leading up to her son's Sunday telephone calls, she becomes jittery and she sorts her words carefully whilst listening for any nuance that might indicate he's losing touch with reality again. In gaol he played all sorts of mental games to survive in the beginning.
It's almost as if there's a shadow accompanying her - she gets on with her life, but there's a "something" dampening down her former spirit - how could it be otherwise?
Bob & Regina, I hope I haven't made you sad reading this, that would be my last wish ..... I guess your story made me reflect on my friend's life and I just wanted to give some perspective on what can be the flipside of "getting high".
We all like to think that what we do doesn't affect others. And to the extent that if we don't get "hooked" - whether it's alcohol or drugs, that's probably right. But who of us ever knows when we're "hooked", how we will react or can get off it when we are?