Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient tourist servants who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear.
We beseech you, oh Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.
Protect us from surly and unscrupulous taxi drivers, avaricious porters and unlicensed English-speaking guides.
Give as this day divine guidance in selection of our hotels, that we may find our reservations honoured, our rooms made up and hot water running from the taps (if it is at all possible).
We pray that the telephones work and that the operators speak our tongue, and that there is no mail waiting from our children which forces us to cancel the rest of our trip.
Lead us, dear Lord, to good, inexpensive restaurants where the food is superb, the waiters friendly, and the wine included in the price of the meal.
Give us wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand. Forgive us for under tipping out of ignorance and over tipping out of fear.
Make the natives loves us for what we are, not for what we can contribute to their worldly goods.
Grant us the strength to visit the museums and sights listed as ‘musts' in the
guidebook. And if per chance we skip an historic monu-ment to take a nap after lunch , have mercy on us, for our flesh is weak.
Husbands: Dear God, keep our wives from shopping
sprees and protect them from bargains they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not in to temptation for they know not what they do.
Wives: Almighty God, save our husbands from looking at foreign women and com-paring them to us. Save them
from making fools of themselves in cafes and night-clubs. Above all, please do not forgive them there trespasses for they know exactly what they do.
All together: And when the journey is over, and we return to our loved ones, grant us the favour of finding some-one who will look at our home videos and listen to our stories so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.
Chris Harvie