In Reply to: Relationships with Balinese posted by *** on Wednesday, 28. April 1999 at 13:01 Bali Time:
I was married to a Balinese for almost 15 years. I would have to agree inpart with Ni Luh. The banjar and the religion becomes your utmost focus if you are a woman. For appearances sake. There is always a different set of rules for a man. And whatever you say Ni Luh, you will never be 100% accepted by the community. In my 20 years of living in Indonesia, I have NEVER met anyone who was. You are a novelty to many I'm sure. I am not blaming them for this, but that is how it is.The Balinese are a chosen people and there has been more than one foreign woman who has flown the coop. This reeks havoc in the cultural circles as it just isn't supposed to happen, and messes up the placement of ancestor's resting vessles etc. Ask your mother-in-law or whoever is teaching you the art of mebanten, what the different colours are for, and why some offerings are put on the ground at sandi khala, and especially the ones at the crossroads. Amazing stuff.- pretty frightening too. When I left my husband, I had more thanone Balinese woman come up to me and tell me how they longed to leave, but just couldn't- because they had nowhere to go. Not only that, it was hell trying to break loose and leave Bali with any sanity in tact. Just be careful, don't throw away your identity and lose yourself. It's a long struggle to get it back.