Posted by Ni Luh on Tuesday, 23. February 1999 at 15:00 Bali Time:
In Reply to: Marriage posted by Roo on Tuesday, 23. February 1999 at 11:42 Bali Time:
Om Swatiastu Roo !
I would like to inform you that you would need to request a visa sosial/budaya at the Indonesian Embassy before your departure if you wish to marry an Indonesian - Balinese - and remain in Indonesia. The visa is often granted for 5 weeks of stay in the country (sometimes a bit longer), and during that lenght of time, you would have to go to the immigration office to request a KIMS (resident permit delivered on your status as a married woman to an Indonesian). Beforehand, you need to visit the Civil Registrar of the district where your husband lives, you would have there to register your names as spouse and husband. If your husband is an Hindu, or from an other minority (non-Muslim) you would have to request a special certificate at the Kantor Adat (agama Hindu). As soon as you have all certificates, registration forms completed, all documents, then you go to the imigration office and request the KIMS. It may not be granteed on your first request, but be patient. Also, it may be costly. I reassure you the visa sosial/budaya is usually extended up to 4 times (but every month you must go the imigration office to extend it and pay a fees + some kind of "uang rokok"- Corruption is still a legacy of the Suharto era).
My advise is to be always accompanied by your husband, to let your husband speak, but you too have to speak (in Indonesian, please, it would be appreciated) and be always very neatly dressed.
As Melissa told you, marrying a Balinese involves a lot. You must be sure this is really what you want (I don't have doubt about your love, but your degree of commitment must be rather strong). Also, that you know everything about religious and social life in Bali. As a spouse, you will have many duties (religious and social in the community, in the banjar, and at home). From making offerings and performing daily or regular religious practices to going to women's meeting in the neighborhood (involving godong royong, i.e. "voluntary work", like sweeping the streets of the village or burning trash) or learning songs for temple ceremonies. You may choose not to do so, but you would then never be a member of the Balinese community, and it is hard to be a stranger all of your life. Also, it may be fun at the beginning to make offerings or follow women wherever they go in order to see what they do, but it may become boring or frustrating for the European mind. Never forget, that a part of you will always be European (Canadian, in your case ?) despite the degree of involvement you may have in your community and family life in Bali. And people (even if there are intimates) will always refer to your "alien" side as well.
Your husband has also lots of responsibilities towards his community and family (not only his wife and kids). He may not be always at home. Also, Balinese men like the company of their male friends. Watching T.V. or making offerings in the evening with other female members of the family while your husband is "out" does not always correspond to what Western women call "family life" or "romanticism" or "young married couple's life".
If you decide to go and live with your husband in your country, fine , but remember a Balinese is born as a Balinese, and will die as a Balinese. One day or another, he will go back to his island. Don't fool yourself.
If you happen to pop in Bali and to settle down there, please you can contact me, because I live there. I will be pleased to meet you.
Sincerely Yours,
Matur Suksma
Ni Luh.